***
The author has dealt with countless reproductive issues (medical infertility, lost adoptions, and miscarriages). She now has two living children. I really enjoyed most of the book and found it very helpful as a way to know that what I was feeling (anger, bitterness, sadness) was normal, even if it wasn't healthy. The book uses the story of Hannah, who was barren, in I Samuel 1-2 as its narrative guide and has 16 different chapters, including discussion on "Envy, Jealousy, and Rivalry", "Is God Punishing Me?", How Long Does It Hurt?", and "Bitterness of Soul." Each chapter starts out with a "brief fictionalized look at a portion of Hannah's story" that uses the historical context of Hannah's time period with the the author's own experience with barrenness. At first I thought I would find that approach too hokey, but I grew to like it and it really helped me identify with Hannah. There are also short sections at the end of each chapter for "Burden Bearers" that help explain why people facing these crises act like they do.
Clearly, this book is completely based in the Bible (Bible passages appear on most, if not all, pages), so if you're not coming to infertility from a Christian perspective, this is probably not your book. Though, it still might be worth a look. There is good stuff here.
What I Liked
- The author has experience. She's dealt with a lot of stuff and has experienced about everything you can imagine with this subject. She knows what she's talking about.
- The advice for "burden bearers" was spot on. I know it's not easy to interact with someone dealing with infertility because one day (or minute!) the person can be fine and the next emotional or withdrawn.
- The Bible passages cited were comforting and reassuring. It was nice to realize that what I was feeling had been felt by many, many other women.
- This subject needs to be talked about and discussed. Too often couples suffer in silence or friends and family ignore the situation because they don't know what to say.
- The author is very clear on her beliefs and limits, but she does not come across as preachy or judgmental.
- Nearly all facets of how infertility affects your life are discussed.
What I Didn't Like
- I'm not a woman who has always wanted to be a mother. A lot of the support for women's infertility comes from that perspective. At times, this book gets close to that point. Stuff such as Since I was 3 years old, playing with my dolls, I knew I was born to be a mother. When I was 3, I wanted to be a waitress and then a banker and then a teacher and then an astronaut. I pretty much assumed I would be a mother some day, but I certainly didn't think about it all the time.
- In some places the author is too conservative for my liking; there are some discussions of "serving your husband." Although the author did talk about how that respect should go both ways, in her relationship, she sees her husband as the leader who makes the final decision. Brian and I are pretty darn equal in terms of who is "in charge" so that argument didn't resonate with me.
- There was a brief discussion on how infertility could create marital infidelity (through a physical affair or turning to pornography) that was so ridiculous that all I could think about was one of those "I'm Addicted to Pornography" shows that appear on A&E or whatever network. It came across as women are so weak.
All-in-all, I thought this was a very good book. It helped me keep my emotions in check and attempt to understand how I was feeling. Many of the Bible verses were very comforting to me and it has helped me create strategies to cope.
