Where Do We Go From Here?

As I sit here on the last day of my 29th year, I'd love to say that this was a great year. But, it wasn't.

It was an OK year, but definitely not a great year.

There were several wonderful moments:

• Discovering yoga and the wonderful people in my class
• Completing my 2nd half marathon and 2nd marathon (and enjoying the training cycle!)
• Facing my fears in the Warrior Dash
• Completing my first duathlon
• KPRD kickball championship
• A cruise to the Caribbean with my family over Christmas
• A great road trip vacation with Brian to Canada (poutine!)
• A wonderful weekend in the mountains with Brian's family

There were also lots of bad moments:

• Horrible, recurring colds for both of us all winter (including 4 bouts of pink eye and a staph infection in my eye)
• An infertility diagnosis that left us with many questions and still no answers
• Serious, life-altering sicknesses of family members
• An emotional goodbye when my grandmother's house was sold in Hickory, which opened up lots of untapped grieving

Unfortunately, it seems, a lot of the bad things started happening around January and it's been never ending since then. For me, the stress of all this has manifested itself into weight gain (about 20 lbs. since January). While I'm determined not to turn this blog into a fitness/healthy living blog, it would be silly for me to ignore the obvious. The weight gain is a significant stressor for me.

Admittedly, I am not in a good place right now. I've had a lot more bad days than good days lately and I think I realized that I was pretty close to rock bottom when I just started crying uncontrollably at church on Sunday for no apparent reason. Thankfully we were in the back and I could sneak out pretty easily.

I've had a lot of diagnostic procedures done lately and everything checked out OK. I am very excited about our medical plan, but it is nerve-wracking. There are so many unknowns.

So, where do we go from here?

Since Sunday, I've started making a conscious effort to deal with stress as healthily as possible:

• I'm keeping a food log.
• I'm trying to get some exercise, even if it isn't hardcore running or cycling. I go to yoga twice a week and on other nights, I'm trying to just walk or have some type of activity.
• If I don't feel like being active, I take a hot bath to decompress.
• I vent to my mom, dad, and Brian.
• I'm finishing the Christian-based infertility book that was recommended to me, Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage and Adoption Loss, and I've ordered a Bible Study on dealing with infertility.
• I'm saying no and pulling back from having too much to do. Quite honestly, most often I just want to spend time with Brian, other family members, and our sweet animals. Because I'm introverted, that quiet time is where I get my energy and that's what I need right now.

So, tomorrow, on my 30th birthday, I have a plan. I'm going to wake up and do 30 sun salutations at sunrise (7:10 a.m.). I'm going to go on a bike ride (maybe 30 miles if I feel up to it, maybe fewer). I'm going to listen to my husband's radio shift, where he's playing several of my favorite pieces (including Appalachian Spring). I'm going to read a little and maybe watch some TV. I'm trying a new recipe for chicken tetrazzini for dinner. I'm going to enjoy the day, be thankful for all the blessings in my life, and take care of me.

And, I'm hoping and praying that I can carry that positive energy into the next decade and leave the negativity behind.